Tufrim
Please open the door gently before you do this analysis by yourself. Contrary to popular beliefs founded in imaginary love stories, did you know that lust and love go hand in hand? Please don’t insult me in your head o. For me there can be no real love if there is no lust! That is me o. When I met my wife-to-be, it was love at first sight because something kicked me inside my soul and I started how it would feel like to open her dress from the back when she closes from work. And also how it would feel like to hug her in front when I return from work. That thing at her back which God Himself divided into two made me fall in love with her at once! That is lust and then love followed. That one was based purely on her good character!
Prior to meeting her, I had met one lady I thought I loved but never lusted over her because she had nothing at the back for she herself to sit on. In front too, ‘woezor’! With such a person with good character too, there could be love alright but there was no way I would forgive her if she offends me later in life. With what will I be forgiving her? But this new one with the substantial backside did the trick because that was my taste. Of course everyone has his or her taste.
Since I got married to Fatima, and to date, whenever I feel offended by something she does and I vex, as soon as she comes out from the bathroom after taking her shower in white towel and bends down to pick something from under the bed, I forgive her instantly – that is lust putting grease on love! The two must go hand in hand. I really don’t know what I would use a ‘flat screen TV’ for if there is no ‘entertainment channel’ on it. But for some people too, their lust starts from the flat screen TV and chest and that is fine! Ei, my brother Kenn Fiati, when is the play taking place? I mean the play titled; ‘In the Chest of a Woman’ originally authored by my late elder cousin, Efo Korjo Mawugbey? You see the ‘useless things’ I write here? They are in our family blood! Unfortunately there is nothing in the chest of some women and I don’t know why. That’s why I love Ablavi. When she was a waitress in a restaurant at the time I met her as my side eyi, anytime she was serving me, I always preferred that part of the breast of the goat that contains only flesh to be on the fufu– no bones! That was when Ablavi realized that I liked ‘good chests’ and bone-free meat!
One of the most important things we take for granted is not knowing how to change car tyres. This is especially so with those of us who by some accident of a sort call ourselves ‘corporate people’.
I attended a wedding in Kumasi 9 years ago. On my way back and at about 10:34pm, I had a back tyre burst. I really couldn’t tell where I was but I was somehow sure it was between Anyinam and Bunso. . In fact, I was alone driving. The thicket of the forest coupled with the darkness of the night made me feel I was having a bad dream but it was real. Very close to where the incident happened was a cemetery and I was sure the ghosts were having their ‘day time’ at that time. I could hear the sounds of the bush animals some of which I knew were those of monkeys. The road was busy but quiet. There was wheel spanner and spare tyre but I have not done it before and didn’t think there was going to be a time that will require me to do so. Bro, never wish this for your worst enemy. As for our women, we can pardon them for not consciously making the efforts to change car tyres but for the men, we have no excuse. I tried to flag cars passing by but which motorist would take that risk by stopping over to do what with an unknown ‘beggar’? what if the beggar turned out to be aan armed robber? On the other hand what if my helper turns out to be an armed rubber? Forget about how the ‘robber’ is spelt. Just to let you know that at that material moment, the only thing I could spell rightly was ‘rubber’ to mean ‘robber’. I was hungry and sweating. But like I always say: ‘God loves Mawuli’. After about 28 long minutes of not knowing what to do, I saw a car which had just gone past reversing towards my direction. Could the driver of this vehicle be a savior or…?
Then I heaved a sigh of relief – it was a police patrol car. God bless Ghana Police. If they want to help you er, Alla! Unless they don’t want to. You know what they did. They were not happy with a young man like me not knowing how to change a common car tyre. They refused to help me fix it. It was already past 11pm in that darkness but I felt safe with them around me. They rather took me through the process of how to change tyres. I begged them to do it for me and I would ‘do the needful’. After that, I can go and learn it on my own and at my convenience. They insisted that since I refused to learn how to do it in the comfort of the day in the past, I should learn it the hard way now now now. The first Police Officer screamed at me to start the process by myself. All I heard was ‘TUFRIM’ (to wit I should pull out the spare tyre from its compartment in the boot). One step after the other, I was able to do it with relative ease. Come and see relief and joy. I had wanted to ‘thank them’ but they rejected it. They refused to give me their contacts and names. They asked me to drive ahead of them so that they could monitor if everything was fine with me before they could let go of me in safety. Later, when I got to the Teacher Mantey area, I asked myself if these guys were really police officers or angels sent to deliver me. I still cannot stop praying for these strange police guys since this incident happened almost years ago.
My guys and even ladies, please learn to change car tyres on your own at the time when there is no problem. It is like insurance – you purchase it only when everything is fine. You may never know what would happen and at where! A word to the guy in jacket and white shirt who thinks, after all, if it happens, there would be people around to help, wait till it happens to you near a cemetery in the middle of nowhere and in the night.
As for that Police Officer who screamed at me to ‘Tufrim’ in order to teach me how to learn to do certain things by myself, I don’t remember him but I vividly remember his instruction as to how to ‘remove the spare tyre from the spare tyre compartment in the boot. God bless you, Sar!
Surprisingly, my wife knows how to fix even articulator tyres. Strong woman who is always prepared for any eventually including catching me ‘red handed’ stealing meat from soup! That was how come she caught me before when she was using my car and suffered a flat tyre. She needed to change the tyre with the jack and wheel spanner. Hell broke loose when she found a partially used pack of condom hidden under the spare tyre compartment of my car boot. Up till now, she has still not asked me anything about it and I am worried. I am still waiting for her to confront me so that I can lie and blame it on my friend who borrowed my car ten years ago!
Enjoy your weekend and ensure that your insurance is intact, your roadworthy is up to date and your blood pressure is low. Mapon!
